Somewhere In a Far Off Destination
I feel these days as if I'm living with little purpose in the present. My life feels bittersweet as if I'm missing something and to be honest, I have no idea. It feels as if my days are all starting to blur together. The worst thing is that I've felt this way as long as I can remember. I live day to day just hoping the day will be over and that I can have another break from school or from the social aspects of life.Why social?It's just that so many people have gone in and out of my life and with them went a piece of my heart and a part of my trust. I want to meet people and I love learning about them but how can I when so many have let me down?Human relations are so awkward and I feel it with every conversation or gesture I make with other people. I'm still trying to figure out if it's just me or the world.
School is tiring and I hate going. I have a small group of friends that I adore but I always feel the need to be better than I am. I'm pretty quiet in school,definitely not the most outgoing of the bunch.It's going to change but it doesn't change the fact that there are people I don't care to see and work I don't want to do. Honestly, theres nothing much to do about it except to live it out. In less than two years I'll be graduating from highschool and I have no idea what I want to do. All my life I thought I wanted to do art, but now I'm questioning myself. I've always loved it because I'm good at it but I don't really create at home. However, I create art at school and at my job. I think my job is one of my most cherished things. It's not everyday you love a place you work at. I won't have this job forever either but I'm excited to go other places, too.
I know that being an artist is hard but I had thought it and decided I would work my ass off and achieve my dreams. But now, other thoughts have been tugging at my mind. Will I really make it? How long will it be? How will I make it with all these amazing artists?How do I deal with the competitiveness?Will I be a nobody all my life? I know the answer to these questions and I'm going to reassure myself that of course I can make it. It's all about hard work and determination. I have to network,too, and while it won't be easy, it's a challenge worth taking. As long as I stay true to my art, it will be original. No one is exactly like you no matter what you think and no one is really all that original anymore. Life's way too short and I overthink things way too much. It's time to cut a little slack so I could breathe and actually live instead of being a slave to the pessimism and fear I hold. It sounds so corny but with ultimately I can only make myself happy and I have to treat myself well. No eating garbage, no thinking barbage, and no talking garbage.Life, Here I come.PS,
(ALL PICTURES ARE COURTESY OF LOMOGRAPHY, MEANING THEY'RE NOT MINE- JUST IN CASE!)
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